Feb 18, 2019
"Tell Me What You Really Want"
Dr. Lehmiller and I discuss his latest book which studied the sexual fantasies of over 4,000 Americans. In it we learn that almost everyone has had fantasies of group sex, threesomes, orgies, bondage, S&M, or dominant / submissive behavior. What we once thought as wild and crazy is actually perfectly normal!
We discuss how to conduct a large scale study, the state of sex science in America, plus of course, everyone's sexual fantasies.
You can find Dr. Miller's work at www.lehmiller.com
See below for detailed show notes:
Educating Sex Educators
Why don’t people want to study sexuality?
Is sexuality a science?
Why sex study stigmatizing?
What is the Kinsey Institute?
Reducing shame around “normal”
Justin’s book “Tell Me What You Want”
How to conduct a national survey?
Why do people want to talk about our sex fantasies?
What is a sex fantasies?
Fantasy versus Desire
Do fantasies change with age?
Freud and sexual fantasies
Sexual fantasies as pathological
Fantasies labelled paraphilia
What is a healthy sexual fantasy?
A model for healthy sexual behaviors
What are the most common fantasies?
Group Sex, threesomes, orgies - 90%!
BDSM Fantasies -nearly 90% of Americans
Dominance / submission
Power dynamics - 80%+
What is BDSM? (not what you think!)
What causes people to be interested power dynamics?
The most erotic thing you can do is be “present”
Quit racing towards orgasm
Tantra, Sex Yoga, Mindfulness
How to decrease sexual anxiety
Novelty, adventure, variety
Pornography, masturbation, and novelty
Porn escalation effect
Porn as infidelity
Sexual disfunction and pornography
Is an orgasm just an orgasm? Or does context matter?
Does acting out a fantasy change fantasies?
Conservative vs liberal sexual fantasies?
Do social constructs influence urges and fantasies?
Do Democrats masturbate to wearing an apron and cooking?
Sexual orientation vs sexual flexibility?
What is sexual flexibility?
Are women from sexually flexible? (yes)
Women’s fantasies are varied and diverse
How do you make sex fantasies happen?
Vulnerability and communication unlock sexual fantasies
Abstinence only sex education
Talking about sex can lead to fewer abortions